August 26, 2004

Stuff that's Useful

Like stationery.

I might save my rantings on the all-round greatness of stationery for another day though, and just mention some stapler issues I experienced earlier today.

For the second time in one week, I found myself doing a flyer run. In an effort to be more organised I decided to take a stapler. In fact I brought MY OWN but it is so little (and cute!) that it wouldn't open out as is required for sticking flyers to notice boards. Nice Deluxe cafe let me borrow their tape when I dropped in a stack on my way to work. At lunch (which I fit in at 3pm) I took a stapler from work. Checked: yes it opens out. So there I am at Espressoholic and while it does open out nicely, it doesn't work. No, forcing it isn't going to make a difference. I stick with the tried and true leave-a-pile-make-them-prominent method. Ah flyer runs. Being in the Cuba area gave me a reason to go up to Radio Active, as I've been meaning to do for ages, to pick up some stuff.

I went to collect the handcuffs, 'toygasm' book and penis-shaped ice tray I somehow won on the breakfast show a few weeks ago. ("What do I have to do? What?! It's prime time radio, there are children listening!!") My weak attempt at disguising my voice for a laugh lead to dj saying first thing, 'Is that you Jessie?' Way to go Clair! Ah, I totally deserved it. Anyway I was pretty pleased with my winnings but not pleased enough to actually go and collect them and it turns out they'd been given away to someone else. Sure, Clair, you took 'em home didncha. Being the lovely people that they are they gave me some charges and raptures instead (semi-sketchy 'dance'/'herbal high' pills). So that solves my 'I'm quite poor this weekend but I want to party' dilemma. If I can stand to give up my brain for long periods - (cue choruses of "No, Jessie, remember the Get Smarter campaign?") Yeah, I remember. So what. Reminds me of Douglas Coupland's endless epithets in 'Generation X': 'You can't remember what you chose to forget'.

16 Comments:

Blogger Jessie said...

Unsure why my stapler experiences needed recounting. Luckily for me, the Japanese bunny makes up for any shortcomings.

2:25 PM  
Blogger Jo Hubris said...

This post makes me want to run up to Paraparaumu right now and retrieve all my boxes of books and roll around on all my Douglas Couplands, and also go up to Auckland and hunt down and kill those people who have "borrowed" various ones and not returned them.

Luckily I can just go to my sister's house in the city and see them all.

12:50 AM  
Blogger The Saturnyne said...

Hah! You wanna stapler experience to make you weep? Or certainly bring tears to your eyes...

In a fit of boredom one evening, i somehow managed to staple both my thumbs together (With metal bent right under skin, sinew and muscle)

What was most surprising about it was that i was actually surprised that it hurt. Jeezy-Creezy!- Did it hurt!!! I actually remained in a state of shock for about ten minutes just looking at it, wide eyed and speechless.

How dumb? Oooh!-very. TRying to extricate myself painlessly was like trying to solve a rubiks cube... but with more blood and wincing obviously...

S.

3:50 AM  
Blogger SingleFin said...

Ouch! Goddamn fucking ouch!

11:16 AM  
Blogger Jessie said...

Ditto. I am trying hard not to visualise.

3:34 AM  
Blogger supergood said...

I want to know, but at the same time don't want to know how exactly you managed to do that, was it chance or a well thought out scheme┬┐

12:36 PM  
Blogger The Saturnyne said...

well, Supergood, it was more like being slightly drunk, plus INTENSELY bored, and just having the delightful misfortune of my glance chancing upon the stapler at the wrong time... naturally, i stapled everything i could find in the room first. STAPLE FRENZYYY!... took ages to get the sofa down from the ceiling... so anyway... i just ran out of other things to staple... i couldn't possibly remember how i managed to staple BOTH thumbs together though... that's the kind of sheer genius my poor frazzled mind could only grasp at... naturally it chooses to grasp at the most inopportune moments... usually when i'm not looking...

PS. if anyone wants to re-enact the moment... out of scientific curiosity... It really DOES hurt.

4:29 AM  
Blogger Jessie said...

What about the penis-shaped ice tray? Can I have some sympthy please huh?! Don't tell me you'd say no to a few of those chilling your whiskey sour!

4:58 AM  
Blogger supergood said...

Well I guess it would be a conversation starter. I have no stapler for your experiment, so I shall just get drunk and be the control :-)

8:14 AM  
Blogger Jo Hubris said...

Is this real whiskey sours or KoL versions that would have the penis ice cubes in them?

10:18 AM  
Blogger The Saturnyne said...

Yeah, i send ya oodles of sympathy for your missing winnings! And i think it's a heinous crime that you are not now able to float miniature ice penises in the top of guests drinks! THat woulda been great round our house with the elderly relatives... but... What on earth is a "Toygasm" book?!?!

Oh yeah, and handcuffs. Mmm... Handcuffs!!!

THe dancy/herbal pills sound rubbish though!

4:22 PM  
Blogger Jessie said...

For everything (turn turn turn), there is a season

9:45 PM  
Blogger Jessie said...

And I don't know what the Toygasm book is, because I never got it. I can but wonder.

10:34 PM  
Blogger SingleFin said...

No real surprise here, then: Toygasm on Amazon

4:57 PM  
Blogger The Saturnyne said...

Oh nooo, i'm sooo tempted now to post a review of it... just for fun... but i shall bravely resist...

10:43 PM  
Blogger Jessie said...

You're familiar with it then?!

11:01 AM  

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