Off-kilter

I stood nervously at the reception as the nurse scanned the computer screen. “No – these are all normal,” the nurse told me.

“Really? Only because these last few days I’ve been feeling really strange – off balance – like my brain takes a bit to catch up with my head…”

“Your results are fine,” she said decisively.

“But … I’ve been feeling so weird … do they say anything about low blood pressure??”

“… no – blood pressure is tested on your arm.” She wasn’t being patronising. Not at all.

With rising panic I scheduled an appointment for that afternoon with my doctor, who I could see in her office. Ignoring me.

The day crawled by. As has become his habit, my boss remained absent until mid-afternoon. Following his example, I slacked off ALL DAY worked very hard on some research tasks.

3:30 arrived. I explained my symptoms to the doctor and waited with bated breath. She asked a few questions, then announced, “Your ears are blocked. We’ll get them syringed.”

Hooray! No life-threatening debilitating wasting disease for me! Just the strange sensation of hot water being pumped into my eardrum, feeling it trickle down my neck, and waiting for the nurse’s “Ah!” as some particularly disgusting lump of obstruction is freed.

I walked back to my office with a grin bigger than usual. My discman was only turned up to 25! Oh, the traffic noise! My shoes squeak in a most obnoxious manner! Back at work, my keyboard makes loud clicking sounds! I can hear my HAIR!